Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:56 pm

You, a drop in the middle of my ocean,

I would give you bones and meat.

And I used to keep the joy hidden within me.

I plunged into your transformations,

stood proud – a life giving source – and a soft,

sweet light spread into my dark room,

I lost into dreams,

into paradises.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:57 pm

Nine moons passed and you came to the world,

the world of light,

and I was terrified along with you.

Strong is the pain of separation from each – other.

“Boy! Boy!”-, they cried…

Who could imagine my joy?

A river of life runs from my breasts

and filled my breast to feed babies;

easy was the thought to abandon you at the others.

But my curiosity,

an enraged dog,

pushed me to learn who of them belonged to me.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:57 pm

I become a storm and thick drops of tears fall

like rain upon the babies I breastfeed.

Hungry, greedy,

they fill their mouths with the teat;

they take life from my life.

All mine,

but one more special;

wonder which is mine?

I did not know the rules in maternity because,

since from the first moment I would remain alone.

How could I abandon you after birth?

For nine months tied with the umbilical cord.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:57 pm

Are you contended,

I wonder?

Do you feel the fear of separation?

My anger swells.

Frenzy bursts into an endless sobbing.

Tears in my eyes become scabs.

Can you come close,

you bitch of mother,

to take your just born babies

and I enraged keep the anger within me,

shut my mouth,

the threats are suffocated.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:58 pm

I ndeed,

who should I hate more for my misfortune?

I look around all mothers speechless.

Drowned skies,

we keep babies

and breastfeed them,

our soul melts near the big fire they have prepared,

when the moon was disappearing.

Why not each mother fosters her baby?

For forty days the torture of the mind was

like an earthquake,

eradication.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:58 pm

The lioness during our postpartum period.

I find courage;

the reason comes to me…

how could I,

the “declared”,

keep you

and take care of you?

My people would despise and hate you

and they shall pay heavily “the reputation”

for the bad fame I have in the hearts of people.

Who will understand what my soul hides?

This way they look at me.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:58 pm

Why,

o you my sweet,

they throw at your face the word “bastard”?

The words – loaded pistols.

Why should they spit at you,

my little child,

by hurting you?

I shall be patient!

I shall step out of your life.

But why shouldn’t I,

the unlucky mother know you,

I had rather died during birth.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:59 pm

Now two fold deserted, alone…

where shall I find support,

where shall I stay,

everything is lost,

everything seems completely black to me,

I tremble,

my soul,

thinking that something bad happens to you,

be patient because you will not feel

the absence of mother or father,

in the warm house in the unknown parts of the world

the doors will be opened for you,

you will be taught the good and the evil.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:59 pm

I make a gesture of embrace

and I bend with compassion

over the babies they bring me to breastfeed.

Numbered are the irons in their hands,

their eyes are blue, black,

light blue,

they play like doves in the middle of white clothes,

hands in their chests,

with their mouth they suck in a powerful way,

contended they toss their legs and smile.

I become lost,

I look at them;

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:59 pm

adore them,

but which of them belongs to me?

I get worried,

I feel pain deeply which aches

more than the pain of birth.

I took the decision:

I would make a stone of my heart.

Now I am counting the days of tyranny,

our secret.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:00 pm

O lemon flowers, no one will ever know,

I shall keep it deep inside me,

in my purple room,

with the window facing the moon,

and I will open it to utter the untold.

Stone by stone I shall build my cavalry.

How can I weave your shape in the flow of time?

I have not known you…

they did show me your face during birth.

I do not know whether you live,

whether you exist.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:00 pm

And I live in your shadow,

I hold you, I see you with the heart’s eyes,

with my clothing in spring

and summer,

autumn and winter.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:01 pm

And the palms bleed

and the fists are filled with wound

from the fingers,

while the nails stick in.

A vague shadow,

you are disappearing.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:01 pm

I have nobody to wipe my tears away.

I have no smile;

I shall keep your smile;

I see you with the eyes of my heart,

with my clothes spring and summer,

autumn and winter.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:01 pm

Everything around is tangled.

I stare, stretch my arms out

and I caress the immortal orange tree

I planted during your birth.

I see your constellation,

for many hours I repeat what stars say about you

and I get lost in speeches,

the sole which show your existence.

The gipsy women say that you live

and I took the road,

great paths and among faces I search your face,

I separate a mark from my shape.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:02 pm

I cannot stick your shape into a trap,

oh my good one,

my hope is getting narrowed and I love you,

I love you with all the pain of my heart,

with its wings.

I cover you, o my soul,

and pray that nothing bad happens to you.

May not the evils come your way!

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:02 pm

May those who raise you have good luck

and I, wounded,

lament with the sobbing of a mother.

And I open the wardrobe

and caress your first school bag,

the first tie I bought counting the years

and the withered flowers I keep year after year from your birthdays.

How fast did you grow up!

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:02 pm

O my soul, you have become a man!

I shiver, when I think of it

and I choose the clients older than your age.

You are not a creature of my imagination,

I gave birth to you,

you came in this world crying,

your voice was filled full of life everywhere.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:02 pm

I remember its echo,

in order to wipe death off my face.

The nine months I carried you were the happiest moments of my life.

Ah, I wish I were able to prolong the time!

Everything else: a thorn,

a bitter arrow stuck in my heart which aches

and bleeds and I can’t live without it.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:03 pm

I n the day of kites what came through my mind?

I took a kite and raised it high to send you a message.

What might your name be that I might call you?

And it fell upon my head

and it stuck with my hair.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:03 pm

I felt as if I kicked the wall

with my head to feel the touch ofthe kite.

It was noon when I brought you in life.

I take the roads

and search for you.

Where are you, I wonder?

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:04 pm

And I meet my shadow…

the whole world falls to the ground,

in vain I spend my hours

and stand with a knot,

a bitterness in my mouth.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:04 pm

I return back in my desert,

attached to the deaf mirror,

on which my lonely breathing leaves its prints.

Forty bitter years I am looking for you,

looking for you to faint.

When should I look for you and where?

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:05 pm

Image of my soul I see your face in the mirror,

I keep my face deep in the ark of loneliness,

in the depths of silence

like an apparition swirls in the clouds

and gets lost and our secret remains alone,

a curly marjoram in the heart’s stone.

Titulli: Re: Jota Fotiadhu-Ballafuti flet shqip Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:05 pm

My tears run torrential to water it.

A Danaides and I shall carry

my unjust punishment in eternity.

I will not meet him in this world.

Saddens tightens my lips.

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